Sexual anxiety and shame affect far more people than is commonly acknowledged. These feelings can develop for many reasons, including past experiences, cultural messaging, relationship difficulties, health changes, or periods of emotional stress. When anxiety or shame is present, intimacy can begin to feel disconnected from pleasure and instead become associated with fear, pressure, or avoidance.
Rebuilding confidence around intimacy is not about pushing through discomfort or forcing yourself to feel differently. It begins with understanding that these feelings are valid responses to lived experiences, not personal failures. Moving forward gently and compassionately is essential.
For many people, the first step is creating a sense of safety. This might mean giving yourself permission to slow down, to say no, or to explore intimacy privately without external expectations. Removing pressure allows curiosity to return naturally.
Support can come in many forms. Some people benefit from talking with trusted professionals or partners, while others find reassurance through educational resources or private self-reflection. Digital tools, including AI-based support, can also play a role by offering a judgement-free space to explore emotions and questions.
Physical self-care can also support emotional healing when approached gently. Simple practices such as relaxation, mindfulness, and body awareness can help reconnect mind and body. For some, incorporating physical tools in a non-demanding way can support this process.
Gentle, external sex toys are often used not for stimulation alone, but for helping people feel more comfortable in their bodies. When there is no expectation to perform or achieve a specific outcome, these tools can support exploration at a pace that feels safe.
It’s important to emphasise that using or not using sex toys is always a personal choice. They are not solutions, fixes, or requirements. They are optional tools that some people find helpful as part of a broader journey toward comfort and confidence.
Shame thrives in silence. Support, understanding, and gentle exploration help dismantle it. Rebuilding intimacy is not about becoming someone new — it’s about reconnecting with yourself in a way that feels respectful, calm, and emotionally safe.
For broader support around sexual mental health and wellbeing, you can explore our sexual mental health support hub.